What is Masking in ADHD and how to Talk About it With Confidence | ADHD Webinar Q&A

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During our recent webinar, ADHD Without the Shame: From Diagnosis to Empowerment, attendees submitted dozens of insightful questions about ADHD assessment, treatment, and life beyond diagnosis. While we addressed many of them live, we wanted to ensure every question received a thoughtful response. This blog series is our way of continuing that conversation. In this post, we're focusing on questions related to masking, talking about ADHD and moving forward after a diagnosis. We will do this through exploring the evidence, clarifying misconceptions, and offering practical guidance. Your questions deserve answers rooted in both science and compassion.

What is “Masking” in ADHD and why is it so Common?

Masking refers to someone consciously, or unconsciously hiding ADHD traits in order to meet social expectations and avoid judgement. This can include forcing focus, over-preparing, people-pleasing, suppressing impulsivity, or mimicking how others behave socially. 

While masking can be adaptive in certain situations, long-term masking often comes at a cost. Research suggests that individuals with ADHD who chronically mask may experience increased stress, burnout, anxiety, and a sense of disconnection from their authentic selves (Hull et al., 2017; Young et al., 2020). Many adults, especially women or those diagnosed later in life, have been masking for many years or even decades without realizing it. What once helped you “cope” may now feel exhausting. 

How do I Talk About Having ADHD? 

A common question we received was “How do I tell people it might be ADHD?” 

The short answer: you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you can choose to share in a way that feels safe and empowering. 

Here are a few ways to approach discussing your ADHD:‍

1. Start with your own intentions: ask yourself “Why do I want to share this?”

• To build understanding?
• To ask for support?
• To explain challenges? 

Let your “why” guide your words. ‍

2. Keep it simple and grounded: you don’t need to over-explain or justify. For example:

• “Ive been learning more about ADHD and how it shows up for me.”
• “I’m realizing some of my challenges with focus and organization are related to ADHD.” 

3. Share impact, not just labels: people often understand experiences better than diagnoses:

• “I can get overwhelmed with too many tasks at once, so I’m working on new systems to manage that.”

4. Choose your audience wisely

• Start with people who feel safe. Disclosure is not all-or-nothing, it can be selective and gradual. 

How do I Unmask After Masking for so Long? 

Unmasking isn’t about suddenly becoming a completely different person. It’s about slowly reducing the gap between who you are and how you show up. If you’ve been masking for decades, this process deserves patience.

1. Notice how your masking shows up:

 You can start by identifying where and how you mask: 

• Do you overwork to compensate?
• Avoid speaking up?
• Hide when you’re overwhelmed? 

Awareness is a helpful first step towards change. 

2. Experiment with small changes first: 

Unmasking doesn’t have to be dramatic. Try: 

• Letting yourself take breaks without guilt
• Saying “I need a minute to think” instead of forcing a fast response
• Using tools (timers, notes) openly instead of hiding them ‍

3. Build environments that support you: 

 Unmasking can be a lot easier when your environment is accommodating. This might include: 

• Clear routines
• Reduced distractions 
• Communicating your needs at work or home 

4. Expect mixed emotions: 

Relief, anger, grief and even confusion can all show up when you start unmasking. It’s helpful to reflect on how much effort masking requires of you, and what it may have cost you. ‍

Life Beyond an ADHD Diagnosis

Another powerful question we heard: “How do I move on?” Keeping in mind a diagnosis is not an endpoint, it's a beginning. 

1. Give yourself time to process. 

Many people experience: 

• Relief (“this finally makes sense”)
• Grief (“why didn’t I know sooner”)
• Self-compassion (“I wasn’t lazy, I was struggling”) 

All of these are valid.

2. Shift from blaming to understanding. 

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, not a character flaw (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Moving forward means replacing self-criticism  with curiosity:

• “What actually works for my brain?”

3. Focus on systems, not willpower.

ADHD is not a discipline problem, it is a regulation difference. Research shows that external supports (structure, reminders, environmental design) are more effective than relying on motivation alone (Barkley, 2015). 

4. Redefine success on your terms.

Part of moving forward is letting go of expectations that were never built for your brain. Success might look like: 

• Sustainable routines instead of perfection 
• Progress instead of consistency 
• Self-trust instead of self-pressure 

Final thoughts 

Talking about ADHD, unmasking, and moving forward after diagnosis is a deeply personal process. There is no single “right way” to do any of them, and neither do you have to do it alone. 

What matters most is this: 
You are allowed to understand yourself differently. 
You are allowed to take up space without overcompensating.
And you are allowed to build a life that works with your brain, not against it. 

Whether you're just beginning to understand your ADHD or you've been navigating it for years, remember that you don't have to figure it all out on your own. Finding community, whether through support groups, trusted friends, or others who share similar experiences, can make the journey of unmasking feel less isolating and more empowering. Having the right support around you builds confidence, helps you practice showing up authentically, and reminds you that your experiences are valid. If you're ready to take the next step, our CBT skills-based therapy programs offer personalized 1:1 support from a dedicated CBT Care provider who can help you develop practical strategies tailored to how your brain works. Explore our plans and start building a life that truly fits you.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder/Russell-Barkley/9781462517725

Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., et al. (2017). "Putting on my best normal": Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5

Young, S., Adamo, N., Ásgeirsdóttir, B. B., et al. (2020). Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach. BMC Psychiatry, 20, 404. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02707-9

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